The Worst First Date Ever

College, 2000-ish, a guy from my public speaking class asked me out. I think we hung out a party before- isn’t it funny that most of college dating is "will you go to a party with me?"

Who wouldn't want to date all this blonde, over- plucked mess?

Anyhoo, he picks me up at my dorm (where I was a RA) in his busted up Jeep. Not that I care what a guy drives, so long as it is safe. The floorboards in the passenger side were ripped up and I could see the road below me as we were driving- eeeks!

First thing he said we needed to do was go to the mall (Baskin Robbins) where his brother worked to pick up something. Not sure what it was, but he told me I could wait in the car while he went in. What a gentleman! I sat and looked at the pavement, when I should have escaped.

He asked if I liked scary movies, which I said no. He said OK, we were going to see Red Dragon, which might be scary, but probably not. (It was the dumb prequel/ sequel? to Silence of the Lambs and wasn't "scary"). We somehow were talking about being intoxicated while watching movies, and he asked if I wanted to sneak a 6 pack into the theater in my purse. I said not really.  (I do enjoy a bev, but I’m old fashioned and would prefer a “proper” first date). We did not have a 6 pack while watching the movie-, which he was a little butt hurt over this.

After the movie (at the $1 theater, where I did not get popcorn or candy), he asked if I liked to play pool. I said not really-  I hadn’t really played much, so I was probably not good. He said good, we could go to this (redneck) sports bar to play pool and have a drink. He got us a table right next to another couple. The woman playing was a dishwater blond with her hooters all sorts of on display (nope, not jealous, I was more blessed up there than her).

Anyhoo, date strikes up a conversation with them to discuss one of the sports games on. My date seriously did not stop talking to the woman. When her dude left to get more drinks, he was on her like a fly on poo. He didn’t even look up from her (chest) when it was his turn to play. (I think he got her number too). It obviously wasn’t going too well. 

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He did walk me to the door afterwards, which was the only plus. We didn’t have a second date and public speaking class was a little awkward for the rest of the semester.

My close runner up for worst first date ever is the guy who asked me out when I was working at a fancy spa (he came in for a waxing- should have known better). We went out for drinks after dinner when he starting taking shots and getting obliterated (and he had picked me up). I asked if he was going to be driving me home- yes, yes he was planning on doing that after several cocktails and shots. I called my little brother to pick me up & he took me home. Drinking- OK, drinking & driving- deal breaker!

P.S. my first date with my husband was at a restaurant by the river and we went for a nice walk along the water afterwards. He opened my door and spoke intelligently, as well as asked me questions about me, my family, etc. Those are keepers ladies.

What's your worst first date (or best)?

(Gross) Tales from Work

I do procurements, budget, and admin for a technical dept in the government. I am also our safety coordinator, recycling POC, fixer of copiers, jack of all trades. Example, once people were fighting over the ac/ office temp. One person would call in and say it’s too hot and then someone would call and say they were too cold, so now I’m the only one who can call in when something is broken or needs maintenance because. This has led to me calling about everything.

My request today:

Feces and water are coming up from a drain in the men’s room. (Don’t worry; I wasn’t in the men’s room). BTW, the person reporting the issue to me did not say feces, but I try to be a professional.

Speaking of feces, here’s my all-time favorite service request:

There appears to be dog feces in the hallway by the elevator (yup people bring their dogs in occasionally, to a government office building, and apparently don’t realize when they take a shadoobie in the halls). It was originally, “there’s dog shit in the hallway. At least I hope it’s dog shit”. See how professional I am.

I’ve also complained about giant dead roaches in the hallway that no one has picked up, mice that have made a nest in the bottom of someone’s bookcase, loud noises coming from a vent, theft of Fiber 1 bars out of a desk, and the list goes on. 

In case you've missed it, here's what my office looks like. Please try to contain your excitement.  

 I am here at your service. No dog pile is too offensive for me to handle.

What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened in your office?

 

A New State

Whenever E and I are on a road trip (like the many 8 hr drives we make to Tennessee) we play games or just start naming states & their capitols & birds & such. We also play what animal would win in a fight to the death (the one we can never agree on is mongoose vs. badger). So here’s my state vs. state fight to the death (I’m doing Maryland- where I’m moving to, Virginia- where I live currently, and Tennessee- where I’m from).

Round 1: Flowers

MD has the black-eyed Susan, VA has the dogwood, & TN has the iris. It's a toughie, but I'm going with the iris. 

 

 WINNER: Tennessee

Round 2: Flags

Wow, Maryland’s flag is major fugs and Virginia’s is a little violent, but Tennessee's is a little boring. I’m going with VA! 

 WINNER: Virginia

Round 3: Birds

MD with the oriole, VA with the cardinal, and TN with the mockingbird. Also a toughie, but since there are 6 other states with the cardinal (played out), I’m going to give it to the Oriole!

 

 WINNER: Maryland

 A three-way tie, now we need a tie-breaker! 

Tie-Breaker: Trees

MD has the white oak, VA has flowering dogwood, and TN has yellow poplar.
Um, no comment, we're still moving, but Maryland better get some things together!

Anyway, I had fun looking this up . If you're interested in your state (or any state)'s stuff go here.
2 days until NYC!

Weekend Wrap-Up

I tried to be a good hard-working doobie this weekend, since next weekend we’ll be in NYC for Memorial Day- whoo hoo! Any recommendations? It’s been about 7 years since we’ve lived so we’re no longer in the know (not that we were when we lived there). We want some great cheap ethnic places.  Momofuku & PB & Co (not ethnic, just awesome) are on the list for now.

I spent most of the weekend riding in the backseat with a ladder cockeyed into the passenger seat. (We bought a ladder, then exchanged it for a better ladder, and when we go out we run lots of errands- does anyone else do this? I seriously won’t go home for anything until I’m done & once I’m home, I won’t go back out!)

I forced E to drive me thru Wendy’s to try one of these bad boys out (shopping burns a lot of calories). Delicious- I highly recommend! I like to get a junior frost blended (vanilla and chocolate) for a cheap sweet fix. 

 See the cool ladder ;)

We packed and packed some more, so we're all feeling a little sad and out of sorts. I get a little restless with boxes everywhere, so I was feeling like doing more projects.... like bathe the kittehs. 

 

We got really lucky at the pound with these guys. Sure, they are really shy and hide from everyone but E and me, but they let me bathe them and I walked away with no scratches :) I wondered if they are fat and know they are unclean and don’t mind it???  

 

Blogging Strike

Be warned- I am too tired to blog today, so this is a very half-ass effort.

I recently discovered HBO Go & the fact it can be accessed on our TV via E’s Xbox. I am an obsessive TV watcher, and stayed up waaay too late to watch Game of Thrones season 1 (not all the way through. Yet)

Thus, I wore no makeup (mascara is an essential and doesn’t count) to work & yes my hair is in a clippie. It’s also way too nice outside to be sitting in an over-chilled basement with very little light.

 

All I can think about is going home so I can try to make this for my nasty little sweet tooth.
 

Purple for Peace

It started innocently. We just wanted an excuse to have a BBQ catered lunch, so we Googled random holidays on May 16^th. Today is also National Sea Monkey day and Liberace’s birthday along with Wear Purple for Peace Day. We asked our boss and she thought it would cute if we all wore purple and peace is a nice thing right?

We made a flyer & ordered delicious BBQ to be delivered to our office. (There’s nothing around our office that’s good to eat. Seriously, Potbelly and Quiznos is it.)

Then, someone Googled “Wear Purple for Peace Day”

Let me share with you:

"Wear Purple for Peace Day is celebrated on May 16, 2013. It's a day to promote peace between us and any space aliens! "
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WTF, it gets better:

"According to Holiday Insights.com, aliens have yet to visit our planet or contact us because they think we’re too hostile. However, wearing purple apparently encourages aliens to contact us. Whether it’s because purple is a peaceful color or a favorite color among extraterrestrials, I am not sure."
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So I just organized a hippie, space alien celebration at the office.  At least my purple dress is cute.

Peace Out

Reaching My Male Demographic

Today is my little brother’s birthday. He doesn’t read my blog- I guess my demographic is not young men in their twenties. In honor of my brother’s birthday, his last year in his twenties, here’s some stuff that might interest my throngs of male readers:

Blah, blah, blah, Mass Effects, blah blah, Bioshock Infinite, blah blah, blah

I need to work on my baseball fantasy team strategery. (The best strategy is appealing colors and cute mascots)

I can’t wait for The Wolverine to release later this summer!

There’s a new Star Wars movie-oh goodness, I need a microbrew beer or a seasonal import!

It is the 17 year cicada cycle in DC- nice, high in protein, low in fat. Plus they are crunchy when they are squashed. (No seriously, I’m seeing articles on eating cicadas, and they are going to still be around when we move- eeks)

Here’s the song that my bro loved back in the day to take us away

Lil' bros who are no longer littler than me.